Numb
by Rubes99
Summary: Robin is tired of being what everyone wants him to be. He just wants to be himself. (Yet another song inspired one. I know, I'm sorry. The song is 'Numb' by Linkin Park. (You may want to look it up, but it's not necessary) Rated T for one or so swears -but I promise it isn't too bad.)


**Numb**

"Again."

_**I'm tired of being what you want me to be**_

Sweat trickles down a pale face. Muscles burn.

_**Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface**_

He's not good enough.

"Again."

_**Don't know what you're expecting of me**_

He's been running the course for hours now, again and again. Never stopping. Always met with that blank face and disappointed tone.

"Again."

_**Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes**_

He stumbles to a stop at the end of the course, watching his mentor through the haze of exhaustion.

"You're done for the day. I expect your performance to be better tomorrow."

He's never good enough.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

"Robin. Your carelessness let the rest of the team down. You're suspended from patrolling Gotham for the rest of the week, or until I can be sure you've learnt from your mistakes."

_**Every step that I take is another mistake to you**_

He's shutting down and he knows it. Slowly cracking under the pressure of their expectations.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

He hides it, the numbness that has been growing ever since his parents' deaths, under smirks and laughter. But it creeps out in the darkness, pulling him under.

He's drowning slowly.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**_

He's being held back, again and again. Constantly being pushed to be better, faster smarter, to think for himself, and when he finally does it, he's punished for it.

He's tired of trying to live up to contradicting expectations that he'll never reach.

_**Become so tired, so much more aware**_

"You need to step it up, Robin! You need to be better!"

The argument is made worse by the Justice League and his team standing in the background, looking uncomfortable. His reply jumps from him before he can stop it, words sharp and cold.

_**I'm becoming this, all I want to do**_

"Be better like you? Become a lifeless drone who doesn't give a shit about anyone? I don't want to be like _you!"_

_**Is be more like me and be less like you**_

He walks away, his usually soundless steps audible in the complete silence.

_**Can't you see that you're smothering me?**_

His mentor is overprotective, never letting him prove his worth, learn anything too dangerous. He is sheltered to try to keep him safe, but in the end not being exposed to danger could get him killed.

_**Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control**_

So he sneaks out, braves the darkest corners of Gotham, then Blüdhaven when Batman gets too close to catching him. He doesn't want to be controlled.

_'__**Cause everything that you want me to be**_

He knows he has a dark side. He knows that if he has to, he will kill. And he knows he won't feel remorse. He knows his mentor has sensed that, too, and is doing everything in his power to banish that side of him.

_**Has fallen apart, right in front of you.**_

But in the end, trying to banish it makes it worse. He knows that he's really the darker side of the Dynamic Duo now. Maybe he always has been. The one the criminals should really be scared of is the one in the brightly coloured uniform, not the one cloaked in darkness. He doesn't need to wear black to show the sinister side of him.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

He's sinking faster, like someone attached an anchor to his leg when he wasn't looking. Gotham is almost too good for him now, and going to Central city is like looking into the sun. Overwhelming, too bright. Too..._whole._

_**Every step that I take is another mistake to you**_

And isn't it ironic, that the one who started out as the light to Batman's dark has become the one in need of saving. The light that banished the darkness is now being absorbed by the nightmares.

_**(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)**_

The Scarecrow's fear gas doesn't work on him anymore. Everyone assumes it's because he can push through his fears. The truth is that he's living in Hell. There isn't much left to fear.

_**And every second I waste is more than I can take-!**_

He can't take it anymore. Being surrounded by naïve idiots who find pleasure in taunting him for his background. Can't they see it means nothing to him? Every second spent learning how to hold a bush correctly is one he could be using to save someone.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**_

In training he holds back constantly, even though he wins all his fights against his teammates. When he's called up by Black Canary, he ignores the less obvious openings, the ones he could exploit with an underhand move to pin her to the floor.

He gets enough practice in the fighting clubs that litter the streets of Blüdhaven.

_**Become so tired, so much more aware**_

He's always on edge, alert. He knows he's more skilled than the others on his team now, and he's always been the most experienced. Yet they still hold him back, pointlessly try to protect him. When they're captured and have to rely on him to save them, he can almost feel their doubt.

_**I'm becoming this, all I want to do**_

He gets them out easily, ignoring their looks as he single-handedly takes down a large group of men double his size and all trained martial artists. His usual smirk refuses to make an appearance at their shock, his signature cackle dark.

_**Is be more like me and be less like you**_

He hates how he's turning into Batman, emotionless and dark, but he can't stop it. He meets up with Wally more often and spends time with Roy, which helps. Roy's noticed something's up, too. He doesn't know if that's good or bad.

_**And I know**_

Roy confronts him, having figured everything out within a week since he started spending more time with him. Everyone else had gone months without noticing, but Roy picked it up within a few days.

_**I may end up failing too**_

It feels good, to have someone who understands him. They work together on a new identity, a new hero persona. _Nightwing._ He's going to become Blüdhaven's protector, succeed where many before him have tried and failed. He has something they didn't.

Darkness.

_**But I know**_

He isn't innocent the way his team is anymore. He isn't sure he ever was, but now it's worse. He's realised that the majority of the Justice League are also naïve, a sentiment Roy shares. They don't understand that Blüdhaven is grey, that there even _is _a grey zone. Everything is black and white for them.

_**You were just like me with someone disappointed in you...!**_

He's breaking away from the team, quietly, silently, even as Roy helps him find himself again. He's still dark, but he can switch between Robin and Nightwing now, blend it so he's more like what they want him to be. So they don't notice what he's doing.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,**_

Artemis finds out what he's planning a few months after Roy. The resulting fight isn't pretty, and everything he's working on is pulled abruptly into the spotlight in a messy, bloody pile.

_**Become so tired, so much more aware.**_

They don't understand, and he can't blame them, even if part of him wants to for the looks they send him. But how could he hold them responsible for what they don't know? They haven't been where he's been, haven't done what he's done. They haven't lived in the grey zone.

_**I'm becoming this, all I want to do**_

He knows that you can't go through hell and come back with white wings, that you can't make a deal with the devil without selling a little of your soul. They don't. They've never had to.

_**Is be more like me and be less like you.**_

He stands there as his friends and the mentor who had been like a father for several years, the people he thought of as family shoot accusations at him. He lets them try to hurt him with their words, to beat him at his own game, because in the end it doesn't matter. If they can't accept him without the act, the mask, then they shouldn't be his friends or his family. They can't hurt him because he's numb.

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.**_

The anchor has suddenly doubled in weight, and he can't keep his head above water. But then Roy's there, silently supporting him, cutting away the rope that ties him to the damning weight. He can feel again.

_**(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)**_

He waits until they run out of words, arms hanging loosely by his side, calm and untouchable. When they finally fall silent, he speaks, words appearing on his tongue without him needing to think.

"I'm tired of being who you force me to be; who you want me to be. Because in the end, it isn't about you. This is about me. I know who I am: I am an individual. I am my own person. I was Robin. And now, I am Nightwing. I've finally found myself."

_**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.**_

He stares at them for one long moment, committing their faces to memory – because who knows when _(if)_ he'll see them again – before spinning on his heel and walking towards the zeta beam that will take him to Blüdhaven. His echoing footsteps hold an air of finality as he walks away, _alone_. And then there are two other pairs of steel-toed boots joining his, and the comforting weight of Wally and Roy's hands on each of his shoulders, and he remembers that he has people on his side.

_**(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)**_

"Just like old times?" Wally asks.

A grin – an honest-to-god real grin – appears on his face. "Just like old times," he answers.

_He doesn't want to be numb anymore._

* * *

**A/N: **Yeah, I know, another song-inspired fic. But the bug just hit me and I couldn't help myself -I had to write it. Even if it was in the middle of English when I should have been working on the assignment due in a day.

So this is gonna be my last post before I leave to go places (Uluru, baby! ...heh, sorry). Not that I was probably going to update anything else anyway... _(bad author)_

So, the song (as mentioned in the summary) is Numb by Linkin Park. It fits great, as long as you can speed read through the paragraphs to get to the next line before the song does. If you can't, whatever. It doesn't particularly matter.

Okay, long author note, I know, but just one more thing. This is being marked as complete right now, but if I get another urge to do a Young Justice fic (by the way, this is my first, so I hope it was alright) I'll just stick it as the next chapter. And considering the inspiring nature of Linkin Park songs, it seems like there's a 90% chance of me doing just that, so... make of that what you will.

(I know how half you people only review/favourite/both if it's a multichapter. Not that I blame you or anything -I tend not to review if it's a one-shot half the time)


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